I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize