In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
