I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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