"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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