wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
