Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my being single is dangerous.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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