I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
