I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
