I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
