screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
