yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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