God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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