mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
