I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
