Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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