We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Are we still banned from the library?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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