They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
