State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
