apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
