Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
