"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
