God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
