So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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