i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
