I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
