I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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