Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
