Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
