he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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