and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize