I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
