I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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