I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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