I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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