The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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