Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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