By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
