I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize