So drunk its hurt
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
