well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
