just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
