An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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