True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
God, I missed his penis.
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