you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
