had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
