Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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