In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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