I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
