grandma shit on top of the toilet
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i've created a new STD.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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