tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
