i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
