Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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