the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
