Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
