I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize