Sponge bath it is.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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