So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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