my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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