I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
