I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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