when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
