No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
