I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
