You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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