Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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