i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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