I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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