first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
