we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
