We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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