Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
