went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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