"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
