I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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