did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
