How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
