What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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