If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
