I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize