pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I intend to get homeless drunk
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
