Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
