i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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