Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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