yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
