i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
