That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
