Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
