your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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