I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
