people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Randomize
