I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
