I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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