yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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