grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
